I paused - What have happened to me?

 

In the past, I taught myself to live as a fast-burning candle. It took a lot of effort to inspire myself of limitless, unstoppable, hustling, keep pushing, using time effectively bla-bla-bla. In a sudden, until something happened to me mentally, the illness that you can't witness the evidence from all the scanning or physical proof. I used to be super healthy, strong, and independent; I was not an athlete but at least I could do half marathon and other physical fitness which allow me to stay fit and healthy. I have heard a lot of times that your intellectual issue could badly affect your everything, but I haven't paid enough attention to the detail. I might live healthy physically, including my diet and daily fitness, but I was too hard on myself, mentally. I learn to say No to little things, but at some points still, accept the bigger project that possibly contributes a larger impact.

 

I'm not trying to slow you down from what you are currently holding right now, but only to share this unexpected experience that has happened to me because of all the amount of workload I committed in life including family, relationships, extracurricular activities, and of course my career. I am fortunate to have a beautiful family to care for, a soul mate to love, and a great job to help the community in this country; yet I was too hard on myself and expected the best from those. I am a disciplined person who likes to work, provide and support others in need. I sometimes didn't give myself enough time to take a break only because I enjoy too much in the current position I am in; even daily stress can't hold me back.

 

You might have aware that anxiety disorders are common across the globe. According to the World Health Organization, 3.6 percent — or about 264 million individuals worldwide — have an anxiety disorder. Additionally, 4.6 percent of females and 2.6 percent of males globally are affected by anxiety. [The recovery village]. I was personally, diagnose with Generalized Anxiety Disorder; nothing specific to identify the cause, but the long-term stress with all the trauma and stressful event more likely contribute to generalized anxiety disorder. With all the painful and unpleasant experiences, it does put additional stress on me to figure out what really happens. I was barely able to walk to the bathroom for months, I was weak even if I had a whole batch of good food. All my muscles were twitching, numb, my fingers can't move to where I wished to, my body was sore, my brain was sharply hurt, I spoke fast during all the meetings, my eyes were sensitive to all the light both day and night, I was exhausted like hell. The symptom started with one eyelid drop down in October 2021. I didn't find out what really happened to me right away, it took months with a few optical checks up, blood tests, but still could not identify it.

 

Not to put extra drama into this article; but the event taught me so much to pause, learn to live with it, and improve its condition day by day. I might push away a few requests from friends/people who are looking for my involvement, because I was trying to figure myself out. The good sign began, there was a doctor who suspected whether I got anxiety disorder which gets involved with a lot of long term stress. He ask what I am doing in terms of career and advised, "My dear, you should take a break and go have fun. What is really going on is in your mind" I look at him and realized, maybe he is right! On that day I returned home, I decided to drop a few things which are not major but only focused on my well-being.

 

The key is to cure my mind by slowing it down as much as I could. There were a lot of approaches I have tried to apply and jot down the short journal to see if the symptom cut down after a new approach to another. With all the commitment, praying and patient, finally I can manage myself so much better. Thanks to my family, fiancé, colleague, and friends who greatly support my condition during the tough time. If you happen to be in the same position and need someone to hear your detailed experience I am happy to hear you out, sharing what has happened and the journey along with the treatment. Like I said, "Let me have fun and priorities my well-being for now" ;)