A curse or a life journey?

 

March-July 2022...

Went through an unexpected occasion lately? This article is meant to boost extra energy to the vulnerable who went through the unpredictable moment and barely recognize their true self because sh*t happened in life. In my early 20s, I was trying to live right, mainly focused on the choice of food, the routine I create a long with reading and exercising a little. The whole point was trying not to get off the hook of being healthy.


Back in the day, my skin was not all that smooth or soft like a baby but it ain't cause any trouble until late 2021. It turned worse from regular acne to cystic type. For those who experience this type of thing, it is not just the beauty you care about, but the pain and pressure you fully take during the process. You won't be able to touch your face with your hand, but only your fingertip. You might not feel comfortable laying your head on the soft pillow, because it felt like your whole face got infected. There was frustration and madness moment once the pain didn't heal as quickly as you wish even if you followed each step of medical treatment.
P.S: This is not just the acne, but something else.

The treatment itself was a nightmare!! Simply they need to clear up the whitehead and take out whatever is ready to take out from my skin. There were types of medication prescribed, a set of facial skin care was provided and a few of my favorite food and drink were on the list of diet. It's boring, right? During the process, I was not able to wear my "self-confident" anymore, because that acne got flared and it should take more than a few weeks later to see the result. Never before in my adulthood brought my skin that scary. I was trying to hide in the room, limit my time seeing people from my office, and of course, minimize the chance of catching up with friends.

For once, I was on my work duty as a training facilitator, which was a three days training, and wearing a mask while having my voice inside was not my thing, I just do not like to explain the thing with a mask on. That moment hit my head, "F*ck it! Just take it off and reveal your true self! It's what you instructed to the group, not the face!" Effortlessly, the session went well and I was delighted that everyone in the room understand my situation; they did not treat me with any unpleasantness.


To be honest, I didn't have any doubt about the medication as I believe it was prescribed by the dermatologist, so I fully took their advice and follow every step. I would never miss any of it because I wish to cure it QUICKLY. The process took a while until the five weeks of the treatment took me to another level of health issue.  

A sign of something else was up on me, it was itch with a little rash, starting on my neck and hand. I checked with the dermatologist whether it was the side effect of the medication, yet they didn't confirm if those drugs were the cause. They were wondering if I was caught with something else such as pollen or fur since I was with the cat a couple of weeks by then. When you get sick you tend to hear different advice from a different direction. I was talking to a pharmacist and senior friends who acknowledge the symptom but were not much of a help. During that rash start, I had a one-week work trip, plus a vacation where I spent all my energies embracing the moment and went on a 30km cycling in Seim Reap with an extra 5km of walking on that same day.

That was just the introduction, the illness itself was strong, but I would convince you that our mind is stronger. The fact that I faced one obstacle and jump to another in the same year period by slowly healing one thing after another. Back to the subject, I end that trip by returning to my hometown. My skin rash condition went worse, my temperature was 39.7C and I have no idea what exactly happened to my body. The nurse from the village identified it as rubella, so they spent a week providing treatment by having an intravenous (IV) for me. It kept my body feeling alright, but it doesn't cure the illness right away.  


Until the last day of the week got in, my symptom didn't get better and I was told in my head that, I have to go big and seek proper treatment for this. Around 4 am in May, my cousin, my mom, and I headed to Phnom Penh looking for the right polyclinic. My face was swollen, my eyes were itch, and my hand and palm were full of a thick rash. I was fatigued while trying to figure out which hospital I should go to next since my first option was not fully engaged with my diagnosis.

Finally, I settle in a polyclinic and after the blood test, they confirm that I got bad allergies and it might has something to do with the medication I took in the last 6 weeks, the level of allergies hit up to 1400, and the Dr. confirm that was the high number that might cause to live threaten if I didn't seek for the right treatment. It was rough and I need to spend another 10 nights in the hospital. 

 

The whole point is only yourself understand your situation, the speed of life you took because of the health condition, and the ability of how much you could take at that moment. I sometimes feel like a glass that is 95% filled up with water, not much of the liquid (information) I could take extra because if I allow those water to spill, my life might jump into another trouble of anxiety relapse. I would not fully support myself in having a good excuse to reject a certain thing, but that's the reason.


Have you ever felt like you were on a marathon; for some reason you were blocked and not allowed to you get to the finish line? I was there, and I almost have zero power to heal myself on time even if I realize a lot of work are waiting for me on the table. All you want is becoming the old you, physically. But guess what, those expectations became the enemy of your peaceful mind, things happen for reason. Maybe it's time to learn how to let go, let things cure on their own, and focus on certain things you could control by making yourself feel right in the present.

I have learned so much from those misfortune including the people who really care, the true friends, the people who would scarify themself to be with me for over 240 hours and make sure I am well taken care of. It was the moment for me to pause, take a little break, and let the universe take lead.

Shifting your energy to positive thinking does help your real situation as well as emotion. Currently, I'm doing great, yet I have to remind myself not to let any trauma ruin my manageable mindset. To stay on track, I am trying to eat right, exercise regularly, consume enough vitamin supply, drink enough water, sleep on time and take advantage of lunch breaks by not working myself out. In short, being disciplined for a daily living. I am grateful for being able to return to work, meet friends and enjoy the food I love. 


When life brings you the giant peace of bitterness, pack along with a ton of sugar and win over the nasty flavor.

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